Darren Daulton To Speak At Bryce Hospital
Daulton, now, is a proponent of Metaphysics...and not the kind contemplated by Aristotle or the post-Romantic European poets. Daulton believes that he exists in a parallel-type universe which allows him to jump through time, or as he called it, "astro travel." He also believes that the world will end some time in 2012. This is really only a sketch of his mania, but I think you get the picture.
In the spirit of intellectual freedom, let us assume that in every great farce there is at least an element of truth...well, this is the truth on Darren Daulton:
(1) He did mule-loads of blow in Philly, and don't you act like you didn't, Lenny Dykstra--right, you played with Strawberry and Gooden in NY...sure you didn't.
(2) He banged scores of fit (and undoubtedly some unfit) bitches back in the day (leads me to believe his psychosis is the result of some STD).
(3) He Mike Tyson'ed his wife with his Judge Learned Pimp Hand.
(4) He is a raging alcoholic.
(5) He has several felony DUIs.
(6) Must have done some 'roids too...and we all know how emotionally stable those things have made that little bitch Barry Bonds.
I don't know if you all are thinking what I am, but it is pretty clear this guy had many screws loose before the bugor sugar and hooker cocktails which he enjoyed for so many years...however, the cumulative effect of those did nothing but fan the flames of his already unstable constitution...and now he can time travel..it all makes sense.
Let us now stop and at least remember the accomplishments of this now shell-of-a-former-man. It is sad to see, but who knows, he could be right. I invite all of you to come hear Mr. Daulton speak at the Bryce rec center basketball court this afternoon at 3pm. Magic Man of Tuscaloosa will open the show. Punch and pie will be served.
See you on Endor you crazy son of a bitch.