Premature Adjudication

We're a bunch of law students who all live together and want to write a blog. Well, only three of us want to write, but the others may pop in occasionally. We have no true purpose, but I bet you'll see a lot about sports, current events, and general randomness. Don't worry bar admissions people we are both of high moral character and physically fit.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Why the Orioles are the Luckiest Team in Baseball

Of course, this isn't from a winning, team chemistry, or even finishing out of fourth place in their own division standpoint. And this has nothing to do with Leo Mazzone. At least right now. The big news out of Baltimore right now is that big-tittied yahoo Anna Benson is at it again (in case you don't know Anna is a former stripper and soon to be ex-wife of O's new pitcher Kris Benson). Anna is known for a lot of outlandish behavior, such as posing for Penthouse, FHM, spouting off about her love of guns, and dressing up in a skimpy Santa Claus outfit to greet local children (Deadspin has a nice collection of posts following some of her actions here). What made her most famous, or notorious, though were her statements on Howard Stern about what she would do if her husband Kris ever cheated on her. At the time Kris was pitching for the Mets and Anna stated that if she ever caught Kris cheating she would sleep with everyone on his team from the players to the coaches and probably right on down the line to the 15 year old batboy (I might be making the batboy up, but she basically said everyone would get a piece). To quote:

"That's the biggest thing in athletics- they cheat all the time," she replied.
"I told him cheat on me all you want. If you get caught, I'm going to screw
everybody on your entire team. Everyone would get a turn. I will embarrass more
than he ever could imagine. Whatever team he plays on, I will screw all of

Well, apparently Kris is one dumb motherfucker because Anna is filing for divorce, citing that she caught Kris cheating with one of her friends. I can't imagine that this is true because no man should be dumb enough to cheat on his hot stripper wife who loves to have sex everywhere in the stadium (including the parking lot), has a house full of guns, and is bat-shit insane. But that's what Anna is saying.

Now personally I just think that Anna is a little pissed that Kris got traded from New York and its huge media market to Baltimore and its not so large media market and is trying to get herself in the public eye again. She knows those comments made her famous and she just wants everyone to wonder whether she's actually going to fuck everyone, grouds crew included. She's also willing to throw away her marriage for more publicity, typical stripper move. Take notes Helmet, this is why you don't marry a stripper, no matter how much he says he loves you.

Either way, this is just another distraction for my Orioles. If it isn't steroids (or B-12 shots), guys hating each other, beloved bullpen coaches dying, ridiculously shitty managers, star players wanting to be traded, star players almost getting their arms' ripped off by Bubba Crosby, playing in the same division as the Yanks/BoSox, or having a penny-pinching asshole of an owner, it's a loony stripper strapped with heat looking to screw everyone in sight. I suggest they turn it into a team building exercise.

And you thought Leo Mazzone caught on with the O's because he's best friends with our new manager.


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