Premature Adjudication

We're a bunch of law students who all live together and want to write a blog. Well, only three of us want to write, but the others may pop in occasionally. We have no true purpose, but I bet you'll see a lot about sports, current events, and general randomness. Don't worry bar admissions people we are both of high moral character and physically fit.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Of Tampons and Basketballs

Another Thursday night in T-town. Helmet and I stumbled home from the Free, barely missing a fight on the way back. We were tired, drunk and hungry so we sat and we ate. I for some reason found a salami sandwich appetizing, but that is beside the point. After a while, Sargeant stumbles in drunk as all hell. "I have to go buy tampons for my lady friend," he said. "Someone come with me." Helmet and I, not even considering how three dudes out late night tampon shopping would look, agreed to go immediately. We all three piled in Sarg's truck, drunk as the day we were born. Brilliant.

About a hundred or so yards later, we were at the local BP. Sarg and I hopped out of the car while Helmet wisely stayed in. Don't ask me why I thought it would be funny to go look for tampons. Sarg found the tampons right inside the door. "Which do we get?" The reply: "How heavy is the flow?" Gross. A box was then chosen at random. Getting the incorrect tampons is better than getting none.

Sarg decided it was a good idea to buy beer with the tampons. More manly. I just wanted a Pay Day, which I got as a reward for accompanying Sarg. Too bad I'd forget all about it. That's because I was distracted by the bin of basketballs by the counter. Talk about an impulse buy. "We should get a basketball," I said. We don't even have a goal. "Yeah, get a blue one," said Sarg. The blue one was on the bottom. Sarg did that on purpose and I didn't even know. So there I was, digging through basketballs drunk off my ass in the middle of the night at the BP. I got the blue one. It was light blue. With dolphins on it. How gay.

We got to the counter and made our purchase. Tampons, beer, a Pay Day, two packs of gum, and a dolphin basketball. The black dude behind the counter just looked at us. "Are they gay?" he wondered. "Can't be. What would the tampons be for?" he reasoned. "Stupid white boys," he concluded.

Sarg and I ran out of the BP. I was dribbling through the parking lot, faking out imaginary defenders. I probably looked like Napoleon Dynamite at that point. We piled back into the car and head home. But not before Sarg stopped the car next to the girls' house at the corner and laid on the horn. "That's how you treat those bitches." Yes, way to go tampon man.


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